Performance anxiety

When inspiration runs out. When nothing feels exciting. When reason doesn’t win over emotion. It’s frustrating that negative experiences strikes so hard – but they do.

There are people so much more intelligent. More creative. More persistent.

I find it hard to deal with sometimes. I want it to be easier. I want to walk in to programming interviews and nail everything. I want to be the person that always gives the answers to the tricky lecture questions. But I don’t. I struggle. I suffer. I feel stupid.

Has everyone else just figured it out? People around me nod their heads when the lecturer grinds on. And I sit there. And I haven’t figured it out. I haven’t followed. And it sucks. It sucks to feel like you’re the dumbest person in the room.

And I know it’s not rational, but it doesn’t take away the sting. That aching sting just beneath my ribcage.

It’s good to try
It’s good to fail

That’s how you learn.  But it doesn’t take away the unpleasant experience.

I admire the people that don’t get discouraged, that don’t get beat down. That’s the wise thing to do. And I’m slowly getting there. Performance anxiety has never gained me anything – being happy is much more fun. It’s just hard to remember that it’s an option.

/A mid-term tired Sofie